Is there a problem, officer?

So until Sunday I had no idea about what to write about this week, but thankfully I went skiing with Susan and Derek which made Saturday pretty eventfully and gave me plenty to write about.

Our day started at about 6 am when Derek and I got up, got dressed and headed for Jersey to pick up Susan. The trip started out easily enough, until we hit 95 bound for the George Washington Bridge and “no delays” according to 1010 WINS and CBS 880 radio. Those guys are really great at telling you absolutely nothing about what is going on where you are. So since they can’t read what’s actually going on in the cameras they stare at all day, Derek and I sat in an hour and a half of traffic just trying to get to the bridge.

Want to hear the best part?

When we got to the bridge, the traffic magically opened up and everything was perfect. All the signs we saw for “Road Construction 1000 ft.”, “Left two lanes closed ahead,” all bull. No construction, no accident, no lane closures. What a great way to waste an hour and a half of my life and gas.

So we finally hit the Palisades Parkway and I had had enough. I saw open road and no cars. I put my foot down and sped toward freedom. Well soon enough a NJ County cop car rolls up behind me and I started acting like an angel. I slowed down, followed the rules of the road, got off the highway and headed on 9W toward Susan’s house. The odd part about this Johnny Law who magically showed up behind me was he decided to follow me all the way to Susan’s area. It was peculiar, but since he didn’t pull me over, I shrugged it off and kept going about my morning.

So we pick up Susan and head back out on the road to pick up the highway again, and don’t you know it, sitting on the opposite side of 9W was the cop, camped out and waiting for me. He turned around, and tailed me back to the highway and then proceeded to pull me over promptly upon entering the highway.

I rolled down the window with my ski mask and ski goggles on, to which he responded “Sir, will you please step outside the vehicle,” while reaching for his holster and pushing me up against the car and searching me and the car...

Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly how it went down...

I rolled down the window and was immediately asked to roll down the back window. I guess he thought Derek may become violent, as we all know he can be around law enforcement. He then asked what I was doing in the area, and who I knew. When I explained I was picking up my girlfriend, he demanded to see her ID to confirm and then asked her several questions to ensure she lived there. He explained to me why he had in fact pulled me over and the generosity he was showing me by giving me fines for my tinted windows and Syracuse license cover instead of not giving me a speeding and tailgating ticket.

He then proceeded to take my license, registration, and her ID back to his patrol car for a minimum of 10 minutes looking at who knows what. I figured he just had a bad WiFi connection and couldn’t find the recipe for cheese dip he was planning on using for his football party on Sunday. We also began wondering if it was illegal to transport gingers (Derek) across state lines, what the hell the “P-I-P” was (turns out it’s the Palisades Interstate Parkway), or if he was possibly going to come back with a taser and have some kid practice aiming it at each one of us like out of The Hangover.

What a saint. For a guy who was telling me how much of a break he was giving me, he sure was making it hard to believe. He only knew one tone of voice, bad mo-fo, made us wait 10 minutes plus before letting us get on our way to the mountain, and didn’t seem to be that nice of a guy, period.

Eventually he came back with all our information and my two tickets hot off the press. After a little talk with the officer, we finally got back on the road and headed for Mountain Creek. Luckily, the three of us had a great day on the mountain and the morning incidents were the furthest thing from my mind. And we got some good laughs out of it while sitting and waiting for the cop, so my encounter with the New Jersey Bergan County Police wasn’t a complete loss.

The only advice I can offer is don’t take chances trying to smuggle gingers across state borders. It’s just not worth it!