Is there a problem, officer?

So until Sunday I had no idea about what to write about this week, but thankfully I went skiing with Susan and Derek which made Saturday pretty eventfully and gave me plenty to write about.

Our day started at about 6 am when Derek and I got up, got dressed and headed for Jersey to pick up Susan. The trip started out easily enough, until we hit 95 bound for the George Washington Bridge and “no delays” according to 1010 WINS and CBS 880 radio. Those guys are really great at telling you absolutely nothing about what is going on where you are. So since they can’t read what’s actually going on in the cameras they stare at all day, Derek and I sat in an hour and a half of traffic just trying to get to the bridge.

Want to hear the best part?

When we got to the bridge, the traffic magically opened up and everything was perfect. All the signs we saw for “Road Construction 1000 ft.”, “Left two lanes closed ahead,” all bull. No construction, no accident, no lane closures. What a great way to waste an hour and a half of my life and gas.

So we finally hit the Palisades Parkway and I had had enough. I saw open road and no cars. I put my foot down and sped toward freedom. Well soon enough a NJ County cop car rolls up behind me and I started acting like an angel. I slowed down, followed the rules of the road, got off the highway and headed on 9W toward Susan’s house. The odd part about this Johnny Law who magically showed up behind me was he decided to follow me all the way to Susan’s area. It was peculiar, but since he didn’t pull me over, I shrugged it off and kept going about my morning.

So we pick up Susan and head back out on the road to pick up the highway again, and don’t you know it, sitting on the opposite side of 9W was the cop, camped out and waiting for me. He turned around, and tailed me back to the highway and then proceeded to pull me over promptly upon entering the highway.

I rolled down the window with my ski mask and ski goggles on, to which he responded “Sir, will you please step outside the vehicle,” while reaching for his holster and pushing me up against the car and searching me and the car...

Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly how it went down...

I rolled down the window and was immediately asked to roll down the back window. I guess he thought Derek may become violent, as we all know he can be around law enforcement. He then asked what I was doing in the area, and who I knew. When I explained I was picking up my girlfriend, he demanded to see her ID to confirm and then asked her several questions to ensure she lived there. He explained to me why he had in fact pulled me over and the generosity he was showing me by giving me fines for my tinted windows and Syracuse license cover instead of not giving me a speeding and tailgating ticket.

He then proceeded to take my license, registration, and her ID back to his patrol car for a minimum of 10 minutes looking at who knows what. I figured he just had a bad WiFi connection and couldn’t find the recipe for cheese dip he was planning on using for his football party on Sunday. We also began wondering if it was illegal to transport gingers (Derek) across state lines, what the hell the “P-I-P” was (turns out it’s the Palisades Interstate Parkway), or if he was possibly going to come back with a taser and have some kid practice aiming it at each one of us like out of The Hangover.

What a saint. For a guy who was telling me how much of a break he was giving me, he sure was making it hard to believe. He only knew one tone of voice, bad mo-fo, made us wait 10 minutes plus before letting us get on our way to the mountain, and didn’t seem to be that nice of a guy, period.

Eventually he came back with all our information and my two tickets hot off the press. After a little talk with the officer, we finally got back on the road and headed for Mountain Creek. Luckily, the three of us had a great day on the mountain and the morning incidents were the furthest thing from my mind. And we got some good laughs out of it while sitting and waiting for the cop, so my encounter with the New Jersey Bergan County Police wasn’t a complete loss.

The only advice I can offer is don’t take chances trying to smuggle gingers across state borders. It’s just not worth it!

Baseball: Now Featuring Capt. Obvious

This week, former St. Louis Cardinals player and new hitting coach, Mark McGwire, decided to finally come out of the closet and admit he took steroids during the 1990s and the ’98 single season home run chase. After all, what would a Big Mac be without its special sauce?

In his statement he said, “It's time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected,” in response to his appearance on Capitol Hill 5 years ago when the only phrase we heard him say was “I’m not here to talk about the past.” Whoever drafted McGwire’s statement must have thought they were pretty clever, a real master of language with that little illusion. I found his new statement more of a joke than anything else, bringing back memories of Congressional inquisition and the inability of a man to contribute anything whatsoever to the conversation, except to take up space and use up oxygen.

Well I have to say, I’m so relieved Big Mac finally came clean. I was never sure about….

Yeah right.

The fact McGwire took roids is on the same level of common sense as “does a bear shit in the woods?” The door opened when he admitted to taking Andro during his playing career, though at the time it wasn’t a banned substance. So we were supposed to believe that a guy who admitted to taking one muscle-building drug wouldn’t have tried others?

Does McGwire and his representation really think the American people are so dumb that we couldn’t see right through him? We may be a lot of things; lazy, overweight, fantasy-loving and gun-toting, but when it comes to our celebrities and sports figures, don’t screw with us. We know what you’re doing, who you’re with, and who you’re going to marry before you do (aka Jeter – What’s the real story about that anyway?). While at Congress, he might as well have had a stamp on his forehead saying “I took them!”

So now that he has finally put it out there, most likely at the prodding at the Cardinals, McGwire may feel free, but nothing has changed for us baseball fans. We, or at least I, was always under the assumption he had. He was guilty in my eyes well before this confession (sorry, judiciary system).

Now we can finally end the conversation about whether or not he will make the Hall of Fame. He could barely get enough votes to stay on the ballot before this announcement, and this will effectively put a nail in his coffin. He may have hit over 500 home runs, but he had a low career batting average (.263) and didn’t really add a whole lot to the game as a first baseman.

Now this issue of making the Hall or not for admitted or caught steroid users becomes tricky, because not every case is as black and white as McGwire. For starters, you have to deal with Bonds. I don’t think he deserves it, period, but I know a lot of people argue he would have gone to the Hall anyway. That might be true, but we’ll never know, and I think the arrogance he showed in not only vehemently denying taking them, but also thinking we are all so naive as to believe him is enough for me. Plus, if everything about him wasn’t true, then he would have sued the authors of Game of Shadows for slander and libel.

Now it becomes harder when you start talking about current players, such as A-Rod and Manny. It is tough for me to bash Rodriguez since I am a die-hard Yankee fan. You could state the same case for Alex as for Bonds – he would have made it without help. He has a chance to become the home run king, but it would once again be by someone who had taken juice. He was supposed to be one of the clean ones, a savior of baseball who would clean the top of the home run leader board with purity.

So much for that.

Next we have Manny. What can I say? I really don’t like the guy, but he is a hitting machine, when he wants to be, and has over 500 home runs. He is an average fielder with a dozen All-Star games to his name, but I don’t know if that’s enough. The difference between him and A-Rod is Rodriguez is a complete player. He has Gold Gloves and runs the bases well all of the time, not just when it is convenient for him, on top of a great career average. I think the Gold Gloves and the base running are what really separate the two.

I think players who go to the Hall of Fame should be complete players. Not just excel at one aspect. But that’s just me.

Sorry, back to the topic at hand. Mark McGwire, ah ha!

Well thanks so much for clearing up all of that (non)debating we’ve been doing since you left the game. It’ll be interesting to see him back in baseball, and how effective he is as a coach.

Now Mark, you can get to teaching all those Cardinals how to hit the ball, though will you be able to, since you have to take daily injections out of their regiment?

Taking a Bite of the Apple

Aren’t you sick of all the damn commercials starting Justin Long and John Hodgman discussing Mac vs. Windows and how much better Mac is. We get it, alright? Mac’s are cool. You are casual, go-with-the-flow, and awesome at everything. They come with programs that do this, and programs for that, unlike Windows where everything has to be bought in addition.

Mac is cool. Windows is uptight, professional, and boring.

Got it.

For years I’ve written-off Mac, not quite understanding why everyone loves their own so damn much. I knew with Windows there was the chance of random freezes, slowed down systems after a couple years, and crashes while I was in the middle of conquering the ancient Egyptians or invading Russia. But mostly, I just wanted the talk of Mac vs. PC to go away. If the Mac people thought they were so much better, as it appeared they did, then good for them. They could go brag about it to their own friends, but please for the love of God leave me alone.

But sophomore year I switched majors and of course was now forced to use Macs every day.

Adobe InDesign, Photoshop, and Illustrator became mainstays for class assignments and the Mac labs became the place to be for assignments and group meetings. It was awkward at first to figure out how to use this “superior” machine, with its one button ways and simplified ways of saving. After all, humans got to where they are because we became more complex right? Not more simple.

Well, unfortunately I have been talking about getting a Mac for some time (But I won’t say it was because of those ads!). The only problem was my HP was just fine. I couldn’t justify spending so much on a new computer when mine worked fine.

Then a window opened... Thanksgiving Day the HP laptop decided the new colors of the season were ultraviolet. Everything that should have been white was hot pink, everything was pixelated, and there was a green line running down the left hand side of my screen at all times.

“Well, this is my chance,” I thought. If I was destined to get a Mac, now was the time. Christmas Day Santa knew what just to bring me.

So as I sit here on my Mac explaining how much I hate the advertisements I’ve been subjected to for years, I can’t help but agree with all of them. It pains me to know the commercials were dead on, any maybe I should have given in and found the light years earlier.

I try not to be one of those people going around talking about my new Mac like it’s a newborn, showing pictures to everyone and talking about all of it’s firsts; first laugh (starting up for first time, “and my it’s so fast!”), first steps (using all the capabilities of the mouse pad), first words (you get the point). But I’ll admit, it’s hard at times.

So I guess I’ve turned to the dark side, or the side of holiness, depending on what system you’re reading this on.

It’s a great machine. I just hate the advertisements that go along with it!